Relationships

The True Value of Marriage

Marriage, to a lot of people, especially those who are not married, is just a commitment between two people to be partners in life for the rest of their life. That thought is only half true. The real value of marriage is that is serves as an instrument to aid an individual in their personal and spiritual development.
From childhood to puberty and into early adulthood we develop beliefs about life, ourselves, and others. We form opinions on social, moral, spiritual, and economic issues as we develop into adulthood. These opinions and belief become part of who we are.
As we begin to engage with the opposite-sex, we look for someone who is in line with our beliefs and opinions. However, it is extremely rare to find a mate with the same beliefs and opinions that you have, not to mention the physical traits you desire. Since it is not likely that you will find that ready-made perfect mate, you must come to the realization that you must put in work to form that special union with another human being.
Once you have made the decision to marry a person, recognize that there is going to be challenges, but these challenges, when confronted correctly, will help you grow personally and spiritually by way of the cultivation of oneness, patience, humility, sharing, sacrifice, and realization that you and your mate are opposite polarities of the same thing, Man. Man is a duality, male / female, masculine / feminine, diametrically opposed, but interdependent and complementary. Ying/Yang. Forming this type of union is priceless.

The Stages of a Marriage – Staying the Course

As we have all heard, almost 50% of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Some marriages are bad and need to be dissolved, some should have never occurred. There are many marriages that fall apart even though the two people really love and care for each other. These marriages probably dissolved due to an issue that significantly affected one of the partners in the marriage such as infidelity or drug or alcohol addiction.
All marriages go through stages. When we understand these stages, we can effectively deal with them as they arrive. Usually, the first stage is full of optimism, joy, and excitement. In the second stage, which is about 4 to 5 years into the marriage, challenges, whether they be financial, emotional, professional, parental, or even sexual, have arrived. The complexity of marriage hits you square in the face.
The third stage occurs when one or both partners begin thinking that maybe the grass is greener on the other side. At this stage the marriage is in jeopardy. Infidelity is the main culprit. The excitement of a new relationship becomes enticing.
What you fail to recognize at this point is that you are beginning stage one with this new person. You are starting all over again and will hit the same stage with this new love, that you are at with your current “love”. Déjà vu, all over again.
You are better off staying the course with your current love. Learn patience, forgiveness, you will be rewarded in stage four. As you and your partner overcome and reconcile your differences, you will find that your bond with each other becomes much stronger, you start to appreciate and love each other more than you ever have.
Stage five is the tearing down of the wall of division. You and your partner have become one. You live for each other, there is nothing that can come between you and your partner, not your kids, not money, nothing. Stay the Course, it’s worth it!

Signs of a Healthy Marriage/Relationship

We all have sorts of devices to give us information on how well something is working or if it has a problem. Thermostats informs us of the temperature, the gas gauge lets us know when we are low and need to fill up, your boss gives you a job performance review to let you know how well you are doing, and so on.
What gauge can we use to determine if our marriage is going well or not.
Here are some signs of a healthy marriage/relationship:
1. Great communication – when you can talk with one other about anything and are understanding of each other’s view or perspective it’s a great aspect of any relationship.
2. Supportive – Being there for each other during challenging times is vital for a good marriage. At some point, each partner will experience some sort of obstacle or challenge that may be overwhelming. Being there every step of the way is a cornerstone of the foundation of the relationship.
3. Trust – There are times when your partner may want to do or have done something that you may not agree with or understand. If your partner believes in it strongly and ask you to trust and support him or her, it is important to do so if you trust them. If you can’t trust them, you shouldn’t have married that person.
4. Growth – If a marriage is healthy both partners are always evolving, becoming more of who they are. This is important in a marriage because without growth there is no change, without change and marriage will grow stale.
5. Sexual passion – It is paramount that you and your partner keep the sexual passion interesting and exciting. Learn to express your sexual desires with your partner. Be willing to learn or try new things that may ignite the fireworks in your bedroom.

Signs of an Unhealthy Marriage/Relationship

The initial attraction between two people begins with physical appearance and sex appeal. These drivers rev up our desires and compels us to connect with that person. The problem is that these two drivers are not the foundations of a harmonious relationship. In the heat of the moment, we do not consider these things, and this leads to toxic marriages and relationships.
If your marriage or relationship experiences any of the following, then you may have an unhealthy marriage or relationship.
Secrecy – If either party keeps secrets from the other party, it is a recipe for crazy drama. Nothing stays secret forever, and once it is exposed, there goes the trust factor in the marriage or relationship. Without trust you will always feel uneasy about your partner, which leads to the loss of affection and closeness.
Selfishness – Whether in a marriage or a relationship, as individuals we all have goals we’d like to accomplish. In a marriage it is very important that each party supports and advocates for the other in their quest to achieve their goals. This cannot be a one-sided affair unless it is agreed upon in the beginning. You should never be in competition with your spouse. Your success is her success and vice versa.
Lack of Passion – Many marriages or relationship lose some or most of the passion that they had in the beginning of the relationship. If you experience a change in the energy or passion that your spouse or partner normally exudes you should be concerned. For example, early in the marriage or relationship your partner loved to go out to party, visit family and friends, to travel, to have sex two three times a week, and participate in your favorite activities; but lately, they are no longer interested, this could be a sign of trouble.
Lack of Growth – As human beings we should always be evolving, learning new things, working to better ourselves. Some people, once they get married start letting themselves go. They begin to gain weight, become sedentary, get locked into a ho-hum existence. If you want your marriage or relationship to stay strong, you must grow. You cannot be the same person you were 10 -20 years ago. This is a marriage killer. No one wants to be with the same person for 20-to 40 years or more.
Give your marriage or relationship a check-up to see if any of these issues are present in your marriage or relationship.

Signs You May be Smothering Your Spouse

Marriage is the union between two people; however, each party of the marriage is still an individual. Each have different passions or hobbies that they enjoy doing on a personal level. You must give your spouse space to do their thing. If you are always hovering around your spouse, investigating everything they do, or up under them all the time, you may be smothering your spouse.
Another sign of smothering is when you are too needy or dependent upon your spouse. You shouldn’t burden your spouse every problem or obstacle you face. If you continue to do this, it can weigh heavy on a person, and become overwhelming, which cause tension in the marriage or relationship.
That is why it is important for a man to have a man-cave and women to have a women-cave or she-shed for their own personal space. If you don’t live in a house or large apartment maybe can use partitions to create a little private space.
All-in-all, learn to have separate activities from your spouse. The more time you are away from each other the more you enjoy each other’s company.

Does Your Spouse Have Access to Your Mobile Phone?

Many marriages and relationships have gone south because of one simple question, “what’s the password to your phone honey?”
Our mobile phones are more than just a phone, text, and internet tool. Our mobile phones contain our most personal and intimate information. This makes this question very difficult to answer correctly. On one hand, we all, married or not, believe there is a certain level of privacy that is needed, and on the other hand, there is the question of trust.
The best option is to give your spouse access to your phone, but make sure you don’t leave information that you don’t want your spouse to see. For example, when you are browsing the internet, use private browsing, it doesn’t save any of the websites you visit or any history of the visit to any website while in private browsing.
You should also delete all texts that you don’t want your spouse to see. You can also create a special folder to store photos and videos that you want to keep private. Hopefully, the things you want to keep secret are not marriage busters, like cheating, gambling, criminal activity, or porn. It’s a touchy subject, however, it must be addressed.

How Can I Revive My Marriage After an Affair?

Infidelity is the number one reason why people get divorced. When your spouse finds out that you had an intimate relationship with someone else, it can be devastating. All types of emotions run through you; your life has been turned upside down. You ask yourself, what should I do? Should I leave or stay? The answer to these questions depends on a few factors. One, what was the impetus of the affair? Two, how intimate is or was the affair? And third, Is the guilty party remorseful?
There is not a simple yes or no answer to the question of reviving a marriage after an affair. You need to take stock of your relationship. You need to determine the pros and cons of staying or leaving. Finding the cause of the infidelity is first and foremost. If you know your spouse truly loves you but have a sex addiction problem, or had a weak moment at the wrong time, then your marriage may be revivable if all other aspects of the marriage is good.
If there are other problems in the marriage, I don’t care how much they love you, it may be time to move on from this person. Admitting wrongdoing and pledging to be better is what you want to hear. If they start trying to justify their transgressions, it is time to move on.
It’s not easy ending any relationship, especially when you have invested 10 or more years of your life into the marriage. So, if possible, it’s always best to try to repair a troubled marriage as opposed to moving on and starting anew. Like I said, weigh the pros and cons, be honest with yourself and you’ll make the right decision.

In-laws – A Key Factor in a Successful Marriage

Scenario: You found the love of your life and now you get to meet the family. It’s a mixed bunch, the father is arrogant, the mother is narcissist, the brother is a queer, and one of the sisters is addicted to drugs. When you marry the love of your life these people become your family, your In-laws.
Regardless of these people’s personalities or idiosyncrasies your spouse mostly likely still loves them, thus, you will have to get along with them for the sake of a happy and peaceful marriage. How do you do this? You do this by being accepting, respectful, and non-judgmental regarding your in-laws.
Your tolerance of your spouse’s family will go a long way in them doing the same for your family, which will be their in-laws as well. It would be good to talk to each other about each other’s family and the issues they present. If you show harsh or malevolent toward your spouse’s family, you will be hurting them because of the love and concern they have for their family members regardless of their short-comings.

The Proper Way to Handle Conflict with Your Spouse

Every marriage or relationship will have conflict. The most important thing is how you deal with the conflict. Most conflicts come from a difference of opinion regarding a particular issue. It could be financial, social, political, spiritual, sexual, or parental.
The first thing that must be eliminated before the conflict can be resolved is emotions. When we are highly emotional, we lose our ability to think clearly. It would be helpful if you engage in some form of meditation before engaging in a highly sensitive discussion. Meditation puts you in a relaxed state mentally and physically. You could ask you spouse to do the same.
The next thing to do is be open to compromise. Try to find a middle grown that you both can live with. If the discussion gets bogged down, take a break, and resume at another time or date. Patience, fairness, and love will get you through these tough and sometimes sensitive issues.